You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings. In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband. My husband is a great father and has always been very hands-on with the children who really love him and I don’t want to end up separated. When I spoke to him again about it, he did apologise and said he won’t do it again but he then came out with a load of stuff about how unhappy he was in the marriage, that we never spend time together (which is true), but I don’t think it is fair for him to blame me. I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him. It wouldn’t have been as bad if he was just accessing porn, as I know men do this, but the fact that he was talking to other people has really disgusted me.
Up until this, I thought things were okay in our marriage, though of course we haven’t had much couple time with the demands of four children but this discovery has come as a bolt out of the blue. I still feel really unhappy about what he has done.
When I challenged him, he was embarrassed and then defensive saying it was just harmless flirting and that he had not gone over any line. Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people.
ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.
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